Proverbs 25:28
Whoever has no rule over his own spirit is like a city broken down, without walls.
As good Kuyperians, when it comes to the various authorities that God has set in place in this world, we speak of sphere sovereignty. In the sphere of the home, the husband is called to take up the good work of ruling well over his wife and children, taking up the sacrificial responsibility of protecting, directing, and equipping them for their work. In the sphere of the Church, the Lord has entrusted the keys of the Kingdom to the elders—we are presbyterian, that is, rule by presbyters, from the Greek word for elders. We are called to shepherd the flock for their good and to the glory of God. In the civil sphere, the civil magistrate is appointed by God to protect their citizens and fend off the wicked.
These are all legitimate God-appointed authorities, each faithfully carrying out their task in their own sphere. Each ruler is entrusted with authority and responsibility for directing and shepherding those under their care.
So we know this, but we can forget that all three of these sovereignties assume one thing. They all assume that the ones in charge first and foremost rule over themselves well. Before we can instill in our children, in our congregants, in our citizens a spirit of virtue and self-control, first and foremost we have to be self-controlled.
How you rule—or don’t rule—over your own appetites, your own passions, your own desires and emotions, over your own body and mind and soul—that says a lot about how you will rule over others. And if you are a man without any self-control, as our proverb says, you are like a broken down city without walls.
You are like a broken down city without walls, and therefore, how can you expect to train your wife to exercise restraint in her emotions? How can you train your children to obey right away—all the way—and cheerfully, if you do not obey even your own conscience right away—much less all the way—much much less cheerfully?
Men, we are called to discipline ourselves first and foremost. That means not giving way to anger—or whatever you want to call it; we are tempted to call anger by another name because, of course, the Scriptures condemn the anger of man (Jam. 1:20). And so we call it frustration. It’s irritation. It’s a slight annoyance. As it happens, not only does the anger of man not produce the righteousness of God—neither does the frustration, irritation, or annoyance of man produce the righteousness of God.
Discipling ourselves means not letting our hearts grow cold toward our wife, our kids, our brothers. It means setting a guard over our tongue, not simply apologizing after we set the place on fire. It means confessing our complaints and grumbles to God, not giving vent to them to whoever will listen. It means exercising moderation on how much we eat and drink, maintaining—but not obsessing about—a healthy body so that we have strength to serve others. It means, like Job, making a covenant with your eyes, refusing to be enticed by the forbidden images. It means riding roughshod over your heart when it whines like one of your toddlers, saying, “But I don’t want to.” I don’t care that you don’t want to.
As the great Puritan, John Owen, put it: “Let a man not think that he makes any progress in holiness who walks not over the bellies of his lusts. He who doth not kill sin in this way takes no steps toward his journey’s end.”
So here’s the charge: Daily walk over the bellies of your lusts. Kill your sin. Be king over your own spirit first. Exercise self-control. Be a city with walls. Then you will prove a good king, capable of training up others to do the same.




